Gifts from the Cave

Gifts from the Cave

 

Excerpt from….. a Thank you note to La Huesera

I want to say good-bye to you with your withered skin and shadowy ways. I want to say good-bye to the howling and braying in my heart whenever you sneak up on me, especially the times I am thinking I am having fun.

I want to say goodbye to you but I can’t.  I am not afraid of you anymore, you who eats what needs to die. You who transforms sorrow and grief into wonder and awe.

Everything takes my breath away,

the fold of a cloud behind my neighbors red tiled roof.

Everything….

Everything…..

There are miracles everywhere and they are not tied to whether I am getting what I want or not.

I lost that too.  That hungry need to be right; be ready; be first; be the most; be anyone; least of all anyone other than what feels true to my still beating heart.

So even though I want to say good-bye to you, I also want to say-

Thank you.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

For waiting all of these years to bring your belt of skulls; your fang shining teeth; your many breasted skirt, to wrap around my un-grieved and defiant idea of myself.

Thank you for wrapping your arms around me, letting me dissolve;  letting me reconstitute myself within the same fleshy skin of this life.

Thank you for taking all my self inflicted beliefs of tragedy; my fears of loss; rejection; abandonment; worthlessness and most of all my fraudulent pretending of invincibility.

Thank you Oh Divine Diva of Grief and Loss… dare I say Goddess… Kali… Hecate…. Lilith… Face in the mirror… divine giver and taker…. La Huesera.

Thank you for teaching me the power of submission and faith.

Here is a piece of my own exploration in the cave: GO BACK TO YOUR CAVE AND SEE WHAT YOU CAN LEAVE BEHIND THERE AS A GIFT TO YOURSELF…. LEAVE YOUR RESULTS

HERE ON THE BLOG.