Excerpt from….. a Thank you note to La Huesera
I want to say good-bye to you with your withered skin and shadowy ways. I want to say good-bye to the howling and braying in my heart whenever you sneak up on me, especially the times I am thinking I am having fun.
I want to say goodbye to you but I can’t. I am not afraid of you anymore, you who eats what needs to die. You who transforms sorrow and grief into wonder and awe.
Everything takes my breath away,
the fold of a cloud behind my neighbors red tiled roof.
There are miracles everywhere and they are not tied to whether I am getting what I want or not.
I lost that too. That hungry need to be right; be ready; be first; be the most; be anyone; least of all anyone other than what feels true to my still beating heart.
So even though I want to say good-bye to you, I also want to say-
Thank you for not giving up on me.
For waiting all of these years to bring your belt of skulls; your fang shining teeth; your many breasted skirt, to wrap around my un-grieved and defiant idea of myself.
Thank you for wrapping your arms around me, letting me dissolve; letting me reconstitute myself within the same fleshy skin of this life.
Thank you for taking all my self inflicted beliefs of tragedy; my fears of loss; rejection; abandonment; worthlessness and most of all my fraudulent pretending of invincibility.
Thank you Oh Divine Diva of Grief and Loss… dare I say Goddess… Kali… Hecate…. Lilith… Face in the mirror… divine giver and taker…. La Huesera.
Thank you for teaching me the power of submission and faith.
Here is a piece of my own exploration in the cave: GO BACK TO YOUR CAVE AND SEE WHAT YOU CAN LEAVE BEHIND THERE AS A GIFT TO YOURSELF…. LEAVE YOUR RESULTS
HERE ON THE BLOG.